What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize