i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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