i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
