I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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