How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
