I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
