I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
