Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
