Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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