how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
