Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
