Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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