just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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