shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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