I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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