go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can't put those talents on a resume
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
