I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
