She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
