Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize