i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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