Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
