I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
