that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
