elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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