it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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