you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
