READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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