Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
