he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
