also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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