Will you blow on my dice?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
