you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize