Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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