at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
