i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
