Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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