apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
