Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
