I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
