i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
