when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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