In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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