hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
