is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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