It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
