What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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