Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
