Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
