awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
