woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
May the power of my ass compel you!!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
