everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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