Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
