; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
