butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Couch. On fire.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
