they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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