Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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