Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize