is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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