People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
