she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
