Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize