Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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