peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
