ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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