There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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