Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
