Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
