I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
