He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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