my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
