They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
