Already got asked if we're dating
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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