Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's rum buckets o'clock
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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