Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I AM VODKA MAN
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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