he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
