how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
im six kinds of drunk right now
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize