brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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