So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
