Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
