well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
they're like a gay fantastic four
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
