Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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