we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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