Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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