Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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