Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
