mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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