i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
