i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
