she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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