If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
