"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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