i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize