i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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