how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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