sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
