the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
