she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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