I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
