not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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